Freelance Writer Required

9 May

Chance of a lifetime for the right writer…!


Giraffe Books are looking for an enthusiastic and loyal freelance writer to join their award-winning team of enthusiastic freelance and loyal writers.

You will be confident working in an environment of poisonous vitriol. You will have your own extensive list of publishing contacts or else you will say that you have at your first interview.

Since the exciting merger last week between Giraffe Books and Editions Hitler, exciting opportunities for promotion exist within this  new and vibrantly exciting publishing house.

Required Abilities:

♦ Answering phones in our up-scale city-centre offices.

♦ There’s six of them, stacked up. You will answer them all. Are you some kind of communist…?

♦ If I have to tell you how to do your job one more time then you are toast. History.

♦ Dealing confidently with highly demanding executive level visitors and never having a nervous breakdown.

♦ Crisply ironed. I say no more.


Desirable Attributes:

♦ Getting over it quickly.

♦ Not EVER mentioning that you are a pretty good writer yourself.

♦ Empty my bin.


Giraffe-Hitler promote from within. You will only notice that this is a complete untruth once you are within and realise that you have not been promoted.

Salary is commensurate with experience and qualifications. It works like this:

1) We ask you to tell us your experience and qualifications.

2) You tell us.

3) We tell you that you are pretty much a novice and virtually unemployable.

4) You join us on startlingly crap terms and conditions because you have serious debts and a family to keep.


All applications should be made via email to

5 Responses to “Freelance Writer Required”

  1. Linda Vernon May 10, 2014 at 6:19 pm #

    LoL! Sign me up. This really puts the Hitler in Hitler Editions. (He started up his own publishing firm so he could get his book published eh? Well, I always suspected Hitler was self published.) I can honestly say Hitler is my least favorite author.

    And the ability to get over it quickly! HA! This is so right on! Except you forgot that if you have a masters degree or PHD salary begins and ends at $10 an hour.

    • roadwax May 10, 2014 at 9:19 pm #

      Yet again your comments inspire me, Linda. I am imagining Adolf promoting his book on breakfast television in a rather intense and action-packed edition of the program 🙂

      • Linda Vernon May 11, 2014 at 8:07 pm #

        Oh that is such a wonderful concept! Hitler on a book tour. You’ve got to write it!

        • roadwax May 11, 2014 at 9:31 pm #

          I don’t trust myself to do it. Your avatar shows a twinkle in your eye that puts a warning light on in the dashboard of my brain. Maybe, Gregory has a close friend who aspires to be a writer?

          • Linda Vernon May 18, 2014 at 6:17 pm #

            Ha! Now that’s the best turn of a phrase I’ve heard in a long while! I just had to sit and think about it! And now you’ve got me thinking about Gregory’s friends too! Oy!

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