Archive | June, 2014

Delivery Driver Required. IMMEDIATE START…

11 Jun

Due to a SUDDEN BEREAVEMENT within our close-knit group of drivers, a vacancy exists for a DRIVER.

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THE TRUCK AT ALL AND THE BRAKES WORK PERFECTLY IT HAS BEEN INSPECTED BY EVERYBODY AND NOTHING IS WRONG IT ALSO HAS A NEW DRIVERS SEAT AND WINDSHIELD.

If you would like to work for a boss who writes everything in CAPITAL LETTERS and is semi-literate but still feels it is necessary to micro-manage his secretary’s advertising copy then please give us a call.

The successful applicant will be HARD WORKING AND LOYAL AND 100% TRUSTWORTHY AND LOYAL. GOOD TEAMWORKER, PUNCTUAL AND NOT DRIVE LIKE A NUTTER.

Pay will be commensurate with experience. The successful candidate will be given a trial period of three weeks, after which they will probably turn down the job because it is very difficult for most people to get on with Dave who runs the company and his brother Mad Eric who services the trucks. Most people leave on day three.

YOU WILL BE HARD WORKING AND LOYAL AND USED TO HARD WORK. LOYALTY WILL BE REWARDED. YOU WILL BE PAID FAIRLY FOR A FULL DAY’S WORK.

Please contact Marjory (me) in the first instance on the number below.

046TRUCK

 

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MH370 Families seek “Whistleblower” – heralds end of Democracy.

8 Jun

The setting up of a reward fund to finance a whistleblower to come forward and help the grieving relatives of the MH370 passengers is a serious threat to Democratic principles, particularly within Obama’s government in the US and other western states.

 

 

As the FBI, Secret Service and CIA all try to persuade Edward Snowden to come home and stop spilling the truth about homeland spying (he won’t) the #RewardMH370 Twitter tag openly begs for a second whistleblower to come forward (he will).

This direct acceptance by ordinary citizens and voters that their leaders and the powerful elite they swing with are corrupt and dishonest is hugely damaging to the principles and ideas behind Democracy.

This has not happened since the industrialisation of the globe and the ushering in of Capitalism (with a big ‘c’) and Democracy (with a big ‘d’).

This is the citizen ignoring the words of the ruling elite.

Your favourite World News channel will be worth watching closely over the next few weeks as #RewardMH370 will be in turns rubbished, smeared, trivialised and finally forced by legal means to withdraw its open offer to hire a ‘law-breaker’. Big lawyers will be wheeled in to persuade #MH370 that what it is doing becomes against the law, the exact moment that it pays cash for stolen corporate secrets.

Citizens are permitted to ignore the words of their ruling elite but they are not allowed to find their own ‘work-arounds’ to the legal framework nor openly set up a competing system of government which bases itself on pure democracy and pure capitalism. To ask any man or women to tell us the truth is pure democracy. To pay that person for their services is pure capitalism.

We ordinary citizens still do not know what happened to flight MH370 but we share a growing belief that senior capitalists and politicians do. We are not being lied to so much as simply not being told the truth. These days, you don’t have to be a conspiracy theorist to be a conspiracy theorist.

The launching of this embryonic fighting fund in the last day is of huge political significance and resonates far beyond its apparent cause.

This fund launch does not make a city fund manager wealthy. Instead, it legitemises the Edward Snowdens in all societies as people of justice and vendors of truth. The whistleblower as ‘Robin Hood’ is finally arriving. While the whistleblowers of the last century were mostly beaten with stones in the town square and then jailed for crimes against the state, maybe the average citizen is now beginning to reflect upon their position in society and see where they fit in.

The authorities, aviation manufacturers and world politicians involved in the MH370 crisis never for one moment won the battle for the hearts and minds of the relatives of passengers. Now, all it will take is for one single person to come forward and break cover and tell the truth.

If the disappearance of MH370 was not a crisis, then what exactly was it? The stakes are huge.

 

 

 

 

 

Could a woman have done this…? Men are back on the map…!

6 Jun

In a video clip that cannot fail to stir emotions, two men become immediate icons for their gender and define manhood to the world. Men are back on the map.

Modern scientific research increasingly shows us men to be pretty crap at most things when compared to women doing the same tasks.

Contemporary media frequently depicts males as being listless goofs who are only there to carry shopping bags and occasionally hit someone for being an irritant.

Using nothing more than an electric drill and without writing a Risk Management document to share with a department, two men do what their sex is most famous for: they destroy something that is bad and avoid getting killed during the process.

Here, in a selfless show of astonishing bravery, two unknown men put ‘manhood’ right back on the map in a single act of stunning beauty.

I write with tears in my eyes as I herald a new dawn for anyone who habitually walks around with the plumbing on the outside of their body and who can’t remember their kid’s birthday.

Watch and learn…

(Note: at the very end of the video you will see other men appearing from their hiding places. These men are from the ancient tribes of Eesamateofmine and Letsburnsomethingnext. )

US Secret Service admits it ‘has no sense of humor’…

5 Jun

According to the BBC, the US Secret Service has put out an open tender for someone to invent a program that can ‘detect sarcasm and false positives’.

Secret Service...? The coolest cats on the block. And I ain't talkin' Celsius or town planning...

Secret Service…? The coolest cats on the block. And I ain’t talkin’ Celsius or town planning…

The tender documents are available here .

An un-named source at the Secret Service explained:

“…As usual, we were listening in to American citizens talking to people in communist-infiltrated European countries like Britain, France, Italy…you know – the usual low-life death-bed states.

“We overheard a conversation between Mrs Amelia Krutz of Spokane and her so-called friend in Vienna. Vienna is right on the border with Communist Russia so we naturally zoomed in and went to Black Alert.

“Mrs Krutz was heard to say ‘…he had the biggest weapon I’ve ever seen! He screwed me to the bed and then took a cab to the White House. I pity the next girl who gets in his way…!’

“We evacuated the White House, told all females under the age of eighteen to stay indoors and we then sent a carpenter to Mrs Amelia Krutz’s house, fearing the worst. I just can’t understand these people. She was most ungrateful.”

When asked what kind of program the US Secret Service needed, the source replied:

“Something small and black in a shiny case with some discreet brushed carbon fiber edging. It has to look the part.”

The successful code writer who comes up with the program that the US Secret Service buys will be rewarded handsomely. Six weeks later, they shall be found in a local park, having apparently fallen asleep under a tree that was being cut down.

 

 

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